Oh stop laughing. It's not that funny that I'm writing about housekeeping. But, as it happens, since NBO didn't do anything remotely cute, entertaining, or exasperating today (ha! Almost had you believing it until that last part, didn't I?), we have a special housekeeping column, featuring the Hot Mess Housekeeper.
Dear Hot Mess Housekeeper:
I cannot figure out how to vacuum under my bed. Can you help?
Sincerely,
Dusty
Dear Dusty,
Improvise! Don't you have some dirty socks under there? If not, you need to stop picking them up so often. If you leave them long enough, they will bring the dust bunnies with them when you pull them out. Hope this helps!
Dear Hot Mess Housekeeper:
How can I keep dog hair off my carpet? I have a baby who is crawling.
Sincerely,
Perfect Momma
Dear Perfect Momma:
Think outside the box! You already have the perfect solution--a baby who's crawling! Tape a couple lint rollers to that baby's hands and let him go! Good luck!
Dear Hot Mess Housekeeper:
How can I get my windows sparkling clean? My three kids and two dogs are constantly messing them up.
Sincerely,
Desperate
Dear Desperate:
Simplify! Right now, you are desperate for clean windows, but once you clean your windows, only to find that your beautiful, sparkling windows are covered in hand prints and dog saliva five minutes later, you will be desperate for tequila. Skip the middle man! Forget the windows. Go straight for the tequila.
Dear Hot Mess Housekeeper:
I feel like I am always cleaning up toys, and I never have time to do important things like match up everyone's socks. Help!
Sincerely,
One Sock wonder
Dear One Sock Wonder:
Minimize! Get rid of some of those toys! Do your kids have a memory game? Trash it. Make them match up the socks instead. Problem solved!
Dear Hot Mess Housekeeper:
As a stay at home mom, I think it's so important to maintain a clean house. Do you have a schedule for when you clean certain areas of your home?
Sincerely,
Amazing mommy
Dear Amazing:
Wow--You ARE amazing! I totally agree that its important to maintain things. I think it's particularly important to maintain 1) my sanity and 2) a stocked liquor cabinet. Sometimes it can be hard to multi- task, though, so I find that if I just focus on maintaining #2, #1 often takes care of itself.
I do have a schedule, and it looks like this:
When the socks that you pull out from under the bed no longer look like socks, but giant dust bunny slippers, its time to vacuum under the bed.
When the fingerprints and dog saliva on the windows are dense enough that people think we have frosted glass, its time to clean the windows.
When the last child stops crawling and/or we no longer have a dog, its time to vacuum the dog hair.
As for the rest, I'm thinking I will tackle it in 2028, when my youngest child will be 18. Until then, I'll just work on maintaining.
We hope you found these tips from the Hot Mess Housekeeper most helpful!
You are so funny
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