Hey kids! Look Over There!

 Jimmy frequently complains that I don't let him watch anything on TV when the kids are awake. This is pretty much true. News? Are you kidding me? Even if you think its a slow news night where they are just talking about parking meters or election polls, the next thing you know, in the same sing song voice, they throw out the murder tally for the month, or tell you the details of a break-in last night. No thank you. Weather? OK, unless there are major, potentially traumatizing storms, which there are pretty much somewhere every day. Prime time anything? Yeah, Not happening. Plus, prime time seems to start at 7 pm these days. So when the kids are awake and we can't stomach one more episode of Caillou, we watch the Discovery channel or Animal Planet, assuming it's not a predator show or one about mating. These are my rules. Jimmy grew up on a farm. He thinks I am way over the top about this. I, on the other hand, am the one who will have to answer the questions that come up the following day, or the next week, or six months later. "Hey mom...remember that time on the Discovery Channel show with the mommy lion and the daddy lion?" No, honey, I sure don't remember that. Maybe daddy does. Ask him. But of course, he is usually working when these things come up, and since I am not mentally or emotionally prepared for these conversations, I must focus on prevention.

You would think, though, that with these rules, it shouldn't be hard to know what they can and can't watch. No news. No violence. No storms. And, for sure, no mating. Animal or otherwise. I am, however, caught off guard at least once a week. Specifically, if you let them watch an On Demand kids show before bed, and the show goes off while you are in the kitchen, it will randomly start showing movie trailers. Not for kids movies. For all movies. It's at these times, when my attempts at prevention fall flat, that I must switch my focus to techniques of distraction. N continues to wonder why I sometimes come running into the living room and start dancing and singing loudly in front of the TV while hitting any button on the remote that may turn that thing off. Or I suddenly insist that she tell me more about her day at school. Immediately.  More than once, I have, in desperation, told N and B to "Quick! Look at the fish tank! Wow! Did you see that!" When that stopped working, I started telling them to look out the window at the uh, bird! Yes, the bird! It was huge! Did you see it? My poor children are going to have whiplash. And disappointment that they keep missing these huge animals that only their mother manages to see.

Tonight I let them watch part of Marley and Me, since it was a new free movie in the "Family movie" section. Silly me, I assumed this meant that it was totally acceptable for families, which I guess it is if everyone in your family is over age 12. In my family, however, most of us are under age 7, though one is barely under age 7, and quite astute. I am getting better at handling this with some topics. With other things, I am just not touching that with a ten foot pole for at least another ten two or three years. The problem, though, is that N is much harder to distract these days, and when she's into something on TV, she's really into it. So when the couple in Marley and Me started talking about "trying" to have a baby, I did what any responsible parent who believes in honesty and open communication would do. I jumped up, grabbed the remote, and said I needed to check to see if the movie was working right. As I turned it off. N looked at me like I lost my mind, said it was working fine, and asked why I turned the TV off. I played dumb, and fast forwarded to a safer part, though since I've never seen the movie myself, it's kind of hard to know exactly where the safe parts are.

A few minutes later, as I realized that Marley was "attacking" someone's leg in a  rather amorous fashion, I tried to think quick and ended up asking N if she had seen our dog Bella, and asked her to help me look for her. Right Now. It turns out, the um, episode didn't last long, so I told N I didn't need to find Bella after all. She gave me a funny look and went back to watching the movie. Several minutes later, the talk about trying to have a baby apparently turned into the actual trying--or at least the prelude to trying-- though with little warning. I started hitting random buttons on the remote but none were working. "Hey N! Look at B over there!" I said loudly as I tried more buttons.This time B and N stared at me like I'd completely lost it. I finally found the button that turned it off. N asked why I did that, and said she wanted to see what happens. Um, I'm pretty sure I know what happens. And you're not watching it. I told her it was late and we wouldn't be able to finish the movie, but the Berenstein Bears were on!

I suppose we could get rid of our TV. Or just never have it on while they're awake. Maybe we could cancel our cable. But there's something about doing it this way that keeps me on my toes. And besides, how many people do you know that can tap dance on the coffee table while hitting every button on the remote and singing Don't Cry For Me Argentina at the top of their lungs, while also showing their kids the giant squirrel out the front window?

That's what I thought.

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