To Be Honest

I hesitated to write about this.

It's not a happy topic. It's probably not what people who come here to read funny kid stories want to read. It's not even fun to write about. And, frankly, it's a topic I hesitate to write about because it's just too important.

And yet, it's too important not to write about.

In the past four months, I have heard about four teen suicides. Of course, there have been many more than that in that time frame. Those are just the ones I know of, by association with someone who knows the family impacted.

As a mom, this horrifies me.
As a mental health professional, this terrifies me.
And as a human being, it saddens me to no end.

No one knows the exact thoughts that go through these kids' heads--nor, of course, are kids the only ones who have these thoughts-- but it's safe to assume they are along the lines of:

This will not get better.
Life is not worth it anymore.
I am not enough.

While everyone always wants to know "why", there is no one reason why. Of course, we keep looking for it anyway, hoping that if we could only say "Yes! That! That's what did it!" then maybe we could somehow wrap our own children in a protective bubble, and as long as we could keep them away from that, they would be OK.

If only it were that simple.

Depression and other mental health issues. The pressures of high school, college acceptance, living up to expectations . Family problems. Drug or alcohol use. A break-up. Friendship issues. Feelings of not being loved. Not being accepted. Not being enough.

These may all contribute, but none of them is the cause. And the reality is, plenty of kids deal with those issues and, fortunately, don't kill themselves. It's not that they weren't loved enough, or accepted enough, or talked to enough.

It's that they couldn't get past their own pain, their own hopelessness, and their own despair.

It's their perception--in their not yet fully developed, very often depressed, impulsive teenage mind--that their life is not worth living, and that suicide is the solution.

If only they would stick around to see how quickly perceptions can change.

I see kids' facebook pages, and they are often filled with messages of "TBH"...To Be Honest.

TBH...You are really pretty.
TBH....We don't talk enough.
TBH....You seem nice.

Just as there is no one cause of teen suicide, of course there is not one simple solution. But that doesn't mean we stop trying to solve it.

It means we try harder.

Maybe it's time to take honesty a step further.

Maybe it's time to teach our kids to say:

TBH: I need to talk to someone.
TBH: I am incredibly sad.
TBH: I need some help.

And to teach our kids to say:

TBH...I will be kinder.
TBH...I will no longer bully you, torment you, make fun of you, or tease you.
TBH...I will be more accepting, and remember that you have feelings, too.

And maybe it's time for parents, and teachers, and adults in general to remind our kids:

TBH...You ARE Enough.
TBH...You are meant to be here, on this earth. You have amazing things to do, and lives to touch, and love to give.
But first you have to stick around.

TBH... Life is incredibly hard sometimes, but there is hope, and help, and people who love you.
Things can and will get better.
But first you have to talk about it.

TBH..As the adult in your life, I will be here to talk whenever you need me. To give you a hug. And to listen.

TBH...You are not just enough. You are so much more than that.
I want to help you.


Be well.
Be amazing.
Be here.


If you or someone you care about is having thoughts of suicide, please call The Samaritans Hotline at:
1-800-273-TALK