Let's Hear it for the Boys...
cross posted from Familymattersmom
Letter to the Teacher at My Child's School:
If I knew who you were, I might be tempted to address this with you directly. But since I only see your car in the parking lot, and never you, this letter will have to suffice. I notice your car because of its bumper sticker, which says:
I believe in good men and other fantasy creatures.
Since the teachers' parking lot is also the parents parking lot, and the spot where many children are dropped off or picked up by their parents, I have noticed your bumper sticker once a week or so for the past year and a half. And each time I do, I am struck by the same thought: No one has made her remove that thing yet?
Oh, I know, that's probably way beyond the schools scope. And of course there's the First Amendment to think about. And, in general, I have to agree with those who say that our society has become entirely too concerned with political correctness.
On the other hand, this is in the parking lot of a school. In a parking lot frequented by children. Some of whom are boys. Who will become men. And this bumper sticker is on the car of a teacher who is teaching some of them. Even though you apparently don't believe they can become good men.
OK, fine, so maybe I'm over-reacting. Maybe you don't really believe that. In all likelihood, you are a twenty-something teacher who is fed up with the dating scene and who hasn't really thought about the message that your bumper sticker potentially sends. And the reality is, many of the twenty something guys you have dated probably haven't been the best boyfriends. At this point in their lives, many of them probably wouldn't make the best husbands. But can you really say that they're not good men?
Dont' get me wrong. Like you, I have sat around at happy hour as we women go around the table with stories about those men. We all know how they can be. We share our stories, shake our heads, order more wine, and roll our collective eyes as we sigh and say "Men.....". Of course, across the bar, a group of men is having a similar conversation about women, though theirs often involves more grunting, more drinking, and fewer actual words.
Wait, isn't that a little sexist of you?
Look, I'm not saying that men and women aren't different. And, at what I'm presuming to be your stage of life, you may just be discovering some of those differences. And maybe some of the guys you know are more than just different. Maybe they're jerks. Maybe they've disappointed you. Maybe they haven't been as committed, or as involved, or as expressive, as you would like. Maybe some of them haven't even been respectful. A few of them, perhaps aren't good men. But to suggest that there aren't any good men is quite a leap, don't you think?
After all, we women can be a little less than perfect at times, too. And yet, I can't help but think that if there was a bumper sticker in the school parking lot that said:
I believe in good (or intelligent, or reasonable) women and other fantasy creatures..
Well, there would be quite the outcry.
Because clearly, THAT is sexist.
And what kind of message is that sending to our daughters, especially in their school?
Maybe these kinds of thoughts are best left at happy hour, and not in a school parking lot, where it can be seen by your students. And their mothers, of course. Did I mention that I'm a mom of boys? Maybe that's why I'm so bothered by this. It's just not a message I want to be sent to my sons. Or to my daughter, for that matter.
And here's the other thing. You're wrong.
Good men are not a fantasy.
You see, I happen to be the wife of a good man. I am also the daughter, sister, sister-in-law, niece, aunt, cousin, and friend to many more. Oh sure, at times, some of these men haven't been good boyfriends, or even good husbands. Maybe they weren't always good friends, or ideal fathers. And God knows there are times when the women in their lives haven't understood them. But the vast majority of men I have known are, in fact, good men.
I can also assure you that my two young boys will grow up to be good men, though I can't guarantee that they will always fulfill every role in their life perfectly.
Then again, dear teacher with the bumper sticker I hope my sons will never see, none of us fulfill our roles perfectly all the time, do we?
If I knew who you were, I might be tempted to address this with you directly. But since I only see your car in the parking lot, and never you, this letter will have to suffice. I notice your car because of its bumper sticker, which says:
I believe in good men and other fantasy creatures.
Since the teachers' parking lot is also the parents parking lot, and the spot where many children are dropped off or picked up by their parents, I have noticed your bumper sticker once a week or so for the past year and a half. And each time I do, I am struck by the same thought: No one has made her remove that thing yet?
Oh, I know, that's probably way beyond the schools scope. And of course there's the First Amendment to think about. And, in general, I have to agree with those who say that our society has become entirely too concerned with political correctness.
On the other hand, this is in the parking lot of a school. In a parking lot frequented by children. Some of whom are boys. Who will become men. And this bumper sticker is on the car of a teacher who is teaching some of them. Even though you apparently don't believe they can become good men.
OK, fine, so maybe I'm over-reacting. Maybe you don't really believe that. In all likelihood, you are a twenty-something teacher who is fed up with the dating scene and who hasn't really thought about the message that your bumper sticker potentially sends. And the reality is, many of the twenty something guys you have dated probably haven't been the best boyfriends. At this point in their lives, many of them probably wouldn't make the best husbands. But can you really say that they're not good men?
Dont' get me wrong. Like you, I have sat around at happy hour as we women go around the table with stories about those men. We all know how they can be. We share our stories, shake our heads, order more wine, and roll our collective eyes as we sigh and say "Men.....". Of course, across the bar, a group of men is having a similar conversation about women, though theirs often involves more grunting, more drinking, and fewer actual words.
Wait, isn't that a little sexist of you?
Look, I'm not saying that men and women aren't different. And, at what I'm presuming to be your stage of life, you may just be discovering some of those differences. And maybe some of the guys you know are more than just different. Maybe they're jerks. Maybe they've disappointed you. Maybe they haven't been as committed, or as involved, or as expressive, as you would like. Maybe some of them haven't even been respectful. A few of them, perhaps aren't good men. But to suggest that there aren't any good men is quite a leap, don't you think?
After all, we women can be a little less than perfect at times, too. And yet, I can't help but think that if there was a bumper sticker in the school parking lot that said:
I believe in good (or intelligent, or reasonable) women and other fantasy creatures..
Well, there would be quite the outcry.
Because clearly, THAT is sexist.
And what kind of message is that sending to our daughters, especially in their school?
Maybe these kinds of thoughts are best left at happy hour, and not in a school parking lot, where it can be seen by your students. And their mothers, of course. Did I mention that I'm a mom of boys? Maybe that's why I'm so bothered by this. It's just not a message I want to be sent to my sons. Or to my daughter, for that matter.
And here's the other thing. You're wrong.
Good men are not a fantasy.
You see, I happen to be the wife of a good man. I am also the daughter, sister, sister-in-law, niece, aunt, cousin, and friend to many more. Oh sure, at times, some of these men haven't been good boyfriends, or even good husbands. Maybe they weren't always good friends, or ideal fathers. And God knows there are times when the women in their lives haven't understood them. But the vast majority of men I have known are, in fact, good men.
I can also assure you that my two young boys will grow up to be good men, though I can't guarantee that they will always fulfill every role in their life perfectly.
Then again, dear teacher with the bumper sticker I hope my sons will never see, none of us fulfill our roles perfectly all the time, do we?
I agree. Besides, our boys will be nothing short of super heros...I do believe women will be writing blogs about them some day.
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt :)
ReplyDelete