Fifty Ways to Wake Your Mother...

I just love that old Paul Simon song, Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover, don't you? I mean, it came out in 1975--many, many years before I was born--but they still played it occasionally while I was growing up. I've been thinking about that song a lot lately, especially in the morning for some reason, as my sweet, gentle children are quietly climbing into bed with us. For some reason, though, the words in my head are a little different from how I remember them.

The problem is we can't all fit into your bed, they said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
We'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to wake your mother.

They said it's really not our habit to intrude
Furthermore
We hope our meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But we'll repeat ourselves at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to wake your mother
Fifty ways to wake your mother

You just jump on her back, Jack
Swing from that fan, Stan
You can throw a toy,Roy
Just don't let her sleep

Throw her that bus,Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just tell her you gotta pee, Lee
Just don't let her sleep

They said it grieves us so to see you in such pain
We wish there was something we could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways..

They said why don't we all just sleep here on it tonight
And we believe in the early morning you'll begin to see the damn sunlight
And then they kissed me and I realized they probably were right
There must be fifty ways to wake your mother
Fifty ways to wake your mother

You just jump on her back, Jack
Swing from that fan, Stan
You can throw a toy, Roy
Just don't Let her sleep...

Throw her that bus,Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just tell her you gotta pee, Lee
Just don't let her sleep...