Sneak Attack

Someone in my house is a sneak. I probably shouldn't single this person out by name, because they are otherwise sweet, funny, and at times quite charming, so let's just say it's a three-year-old boy. I thought the sneakiness was strictly food related, as I recently noticed that this person had starting sitting in a new position when he is on the couch watching Elmo, which is also when I try to take a shower (because I need a shower, and because I hate Elmo). It dawned on me that it's odd for him to  a) be sitting on his side with his arms crossed in front of him and his legs pulled up to his chest like, well, like he's hiding something--imagine that, and b) be sitting.

 When I investigated, I found him with an entire jar of peanut butter. No spoon, just his fingers (I promise we no longer have that jar, so please don't be afraid to eat peanut butter at our house). Subsequent investigations have found evidence of crackers, leftover pizza, and half a bag of stale, year old marshmallows (sneaky, yes. picky, no). I promise I feed him.  Apparently this person has caught on quite well, and times his missions to begin when he hears the water start running and is usually sitting innocently, if uncomfortably, on the couch when I come out of the bathroom.

I have recently discovered that the sneakiness is not strictly food related, which makes me wonder if  he is, well, just sneaky. Or maybe he's just three. Unfortunately, he is also smart. I recently heard a certain three-year-old voice tell me they were going to smack me, and when I freaked out  explained that we don't talk that way, he informed me that "that's what you heard mom, but that's not what I said. I said I love you". Wow. He is not only sneaky. He's good. Just today, O somehow got a cup of water dumped over his head (poor youngest child) and a certain three-year-old boy said he "may have accidentally done it" and was going to hug him and apologize, until he saw just how wet O was, at which point he looked at me like I was a complete and total moron for even suggesting such a thing, and said "I can't hug him, mom. He's all wet. Someone dumped water all over him".

Recently, this otherwise sweet, funny, and at times quite charming little boy has been targeting his sister, with frequent reports of "N hit me!" which N vehemently denies. N has an unbelievable amount of patience for her brothers, but at times, she has had enough and retaliates (don't judge her--you try living with them). I can usually tell when N  is not being entirely forthcoming, but if I'm locked in my bedroom in another room for the actual alleged episode, I often have no way of knowing who's lying their @$$ off  not being entirely truthful.

Today while I was in the shower, I heard familiar screaming outside the bathroom door, and a certain three-year-old boy yelling "N! Stop hitting me! Ow!" A moment later, it changed to "O! Get off me! Stop O!" Now I was confused, as I was quite sure I had left O in his pack and play, and to my knowledge, he is not yet climbing out (Dear God, please don't let this be one of those of those times when you show your sense of humor and make me regret that I said that. It might be the thing that sends me over the edge). So I quietly opened the bathroom door, to find a certain three-year-old boy screaming at his "attackers" while he stood in the hall....all by himself. He looked up, clearly surprised to see me, since this time, I may have accidentally left the water in the shower running. Yup, it's confirmed. He's a sneak. I don't know where he gets it.




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