The Numbers Game...

N is in second grade now. I loved second grade. I loved learning all the things you learn in second grade, and I love seeing what she is learning in second grade.

Except in math.

Whatever they are now teaching in second grade math is not at all what they were teaching when I was in second grade. Nor are they teaching anything math related the way that they taught math related things when I was in school.

It doesn't help that I am math dumb.

Really, I am.

In high school, I took Geometry-for-kids-who-wont-graduate-without-this-last-math-credit-so-lets just-stick-em-in-a-room-and-have-them-count-beads-in-the-shape-of-triangles-and-call-it-a-day.

OK so I might be exaggerating just a teeny bit.

But not much.

Really.

I know that my dad also said when I was in school that they weren't teaching math the way they taught math when he was in school. It seems that he was just taught "math" while we were taught "new math."

I have yet to hear my daughter's math called anything other than "math", though clearly it can't be just "math" if that's what my father was taught seventy five years ago. Nor is it "new math" if that's what I was taught thirty fifteen years ago.

But I think I've figured out the appropriate term for the math my daughter is learning.

Clearly, she is learning "WTF Math".

I'm sure of it.

Because as I attempt to help her with her homework, I don't think "Oh this is math". Nor do I think "Oh this must be that damn new math" as my father surely did.

No, what I think is...."This is math? WTF?"

Yes, she is only in second grade. And granted, I did just say that I am math dumb.

But still, I'm telling you that they are now teaching WTF math.

I don't know if I'll be able to help her much with her math homework. But I think it's important that I continue to try. So I try to do math problems in my head throughout the day in hopes that it will help. I figure if WTF math doesn't work out for her, she can always learn Mommy Math.

For example: 3 = The number of children I have in my home.

24= The number of hours in a day.

Therefore 3x 24= 72

72= The Number of Times throughout the day that I think I may lose my mind.

See? That wasn't so bad, now was it?

Or, just in case you need another example:

12= the number of CDs my sweet boys had managed to put between the sliding glass doors leading out to our playroom.

45= the number of minutes it took me to remove 11 of these CDs from between our sliding glass doors.

15= The number of times my sweet boys pinched my fingers between the sliding glass doors as they were "helping" me.

1= the number of CDs that is not coming out of that damn door no matter what I do.

Therefore 12x45+15x1= 555

555= The number of years it will be before I ever bring another CD into this house.

See? Old math. New math. It really doesn't matter how you do it.

Either way, the answer's the same:

WTF.