Depth Finder...

I've been trying to make time to read lately.

I am amazed at how some people can put their thoughts on paper. Deep, complex, so much bigger than all of this kind of thoughts.

It makes me think that I'd like to write something that deep, that complex, that much bigger than all of this.

I tell myself that those other writers clearly have a wisdom that I don't yet possess. An ability to put their thoughts into words that I don't quite have. A gift for writing that far surpasses my own attempts.

But that's not all.

There's something else that keeps me from writing as deeply as they do.

I'm too busy scraping dried peaches off the floor.

I'm too busy chasing toddlers who inform me they are just going out to get the mail, as they unlock the dead bolt and head for the road. I'm too busy checking homework. Too busy kissing boo boos. And teaching manners. And trying to find the forgotten sippy cup that is stinking up my living room.

At least I hope it's a sippy cup.

I'm too busy climbing through windows to rescue the child who was locked in the basement by his brother. Too busy reading books. Too busy telling kids to clean up their toys, or they will lose pieces to their games and we won't play them anymore. Too busy playing games that long ago lost most of their pieces. Too busy thinking that I'm kind of a like a game that lost most of its pieces.

Only in my case, I lost most of my marbles.

I'm too busy looking around me at the mess that drives me crazy, as I remind myself that this too, shall pass. I'm too busy washing clothes, and drying clothes, and folding clothes.

But somehow never putting clothes away.

I'm too busy laughing. And crying. And pulling my hair out.

I'm too busy driving. Driving them to school, driving them home, driving them to dance, and Girl Scouts, and play dates.

They're busy, too. Driving me crazy.

But someday, I think, maybe I won't be so busy. And then I can write something really deep. Something complex. Something bigger than all of this.

For now, the only thing deep is me.

 Knee deep in dirty clothes. Up to my elbows in dirty dishes.

Deeply in love with these little people who cause me to deeply question my sanity.

Deep seated in the knowledge that there's probably not much that's all that much bigger than this, anyway.