Winging It....

A friend was recently telling me about her fourteen year old who is, well, acting like a fourteen year old. Of course, she doesn't see it that way. She just  KNOWS that he's acting out because of something she's done.

Or hasn't done.

Or hasn't done correctly.

In her mind, his acting out is clearly all her fault because after all, she's the mother, and she has somehow taught him to act this way.

She went on to tell me that she doesn't know what to do with an acting out teenager.

"Really, " she told me quietly as if it was just going to be our secret, "I'm just winging it".

Well, yeah.

I mean, aren't we all?

We have to wing it. There's no book. Well, OK, there are hundreds of books. Thousands maybe. But there's no one book for this child.

In this family.

With this issue.

At this particular moment in his life.

Unless maybe you as his mother decide to write it.

Sometimes, we have no choice but to make it up as we go along.



So maybe you take a little knowledge from one book. And a little more from another.

A little advice from your mother. Your mother-in-law. Your sister.

You commiserate with friends. Or your husband. Or your cousin.

You talk to a teacher. A therapist. A minister.

Maybe even a police officer.

So that you hopefully don't have to talk to a judge.

Sometimes, you cry on a shoulder.

Or into your pillow.

Or into your wine.

Then you practice shrugging your shoulders. You need to do a lot of that.

Now you practice letting stuff roll off your shoulders.

You need to do a lot of that, too.

And then, you add some laughter. No, wait.

More.

Definitely more.



Add a  healthy dose of acceptance.

Of your children.

In all of their exhausting, mind numbing, at times unimaginably difficult glory.

And now add some more acceptance.

This time for you.

Because you're doing this thing the best way you know how.

Now add some prayer.

More.

No, a little more.

OK, a lot more.

No, that's not too much.

There's no such thing.



Don't forget some perspective.

Take as much as you need.

And if you have some left over, share it.


Are you doing it right?

Am I?

Who knows.

But you're doing it the best way you can.

And so am I.

And if sometimes you have to wing it, well, welcome to the club.