Who did it?

So I don't really have three kids.

I have four.

No, I'm not talking about Jimmy--that would make five.

The first three are pretty good. In fact, they don't do much wrong at all.

The fourth though, is quite a trouble maker.

If I ever actually lay eyes on him, he's going to get a piece of my mind.


Even though I've never seen him, I'm quite familiar with his name.

His name is Notme.

This morning, he pulled a roll of toilet paper all over the house. 

I know it was him because, when asked who did it, all three kids looked at me wide eyed, and said "Notme!" They were obviously telling the truth. They would never, ever lie about something like that.

Unfortunately for Notme, his siblings don't hesitate to rat him out.

After the toilet paper incident, he spilled milk all over the floor and didn't tell me.

Then he left toys all over the living room floor.

After lunch, he left B's shoes in the middle of the kitchen floor. Then I heard him playing when it was supposed to be nap time. I asked who was making noise, and B told me very distinctly, "It was Notme!"

Later, I found out that someone had moved O's crib halfway across the room. I usually blame B and O for this. It turns out, all this time it's been Notme.

I kind of feel like I owe the other kids an apology.

Who didn't flush the toilet? It's Notme, of course.

Who threw cereal all over the kitchen? Why, that would be Notme.

That Notme is going to be in big trouble if I ever find him.

The thing is, I'm so onto him, I know what he's going to do before he does it.

Tonight, I'm quite sure someone will be finishing that bottle of tequila that's been sitting around for a while.

And I'm sure it's Notme.