Smug Like You

For all the perfect moms I know
Though I don't know any personally
I seem to see you everywhere
Or maybe it's just me.

You always speak to your child softly
Your tone is perfectly measured
You would never raise your voice at them
Every single moment should be treasured.

I'm pretty sure we scare you
When we come into your space
Oh don't look so alarmed
That's just chocolate on his face.

Wow! Your diaper bag is perfect
Everything exactly where it goes
Do you think I could borrow one of your wipes?
Mine has something on his nose.

Sorry that we have disturbed you
With all of our crazy noise
I wish I could make them be quieter,
But two of them are boys.

Oh, I should tell you--just so you know.
I was once smug like you, too.
I thought I had it all figured out.
Almost always knew what to do.

My little girl was dressed all in pink
From her head down to her toes
She listened to me perfectly
with never anything on her nose.

But then something happened
That changed things just a bit for me
I went from having one perfect child,
To having two, and then three.

And my world that before was full of things pink
Suddenly had a whole lot of blue
And the things that before were easy for me
Were suddenly much harder to do.

So I'm sorry that we have disturbed you
We don't mean to cause such a fuss
But if you think this is disturbing
You should try coming home with us.

There are crayon marks on the cabinets
though most of them are on the walls
And our house has been taken over
by tractors, trains, and balls.

There's fingerpaint in our carpet
And toothpaste all over the sink
I'm pretty sure when you leave our house
You'll be ready for a really stiff drink.

But I am really not complaining
That I sometimes have a lot on my plate
That my house is never perfect
And that I'm pretty much always late.

We can't all be perfect, I guess.
Life just isn't that way.
And no, I don't love every moment
But I really do love every day.

I do wonder, though, how you manage
To follow every rule in the mommy book
You never say anything out of line
Or even give a mean mommy look

I'm assuming, of course, that it's all real
It can't possibly be fake
But I really do have to ask you
How much xanax do you take?

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