Potty Talk

If you are grossed out by the words "poop" and/or "potty", you should probably stop reading now.



So B is finally, thankfully potty trained.

Mostly.

It just took me locking the two of us in the bathroom together and informing him that he wasn't leaving until he peed.

Yeah, I know someone is looking up the number for child protective services right now because this is nothing like what all the books say.

I also know that he has been peeing on the potty ever since.

Well, when he's not peeing on the grass. Or in the driveway. Or on the tire of Jimmy's truck.

Yup, he's pretty into the whole peeing thing now.

In fact, he is so sure of his peeing abilities, he's trying to potty train O.

Yesterday, I walked past the bathroom, and heard him saying "Go ahead, O. Just pee. It's no big deal".

No big deal? Oh sure, now it's no big deal. But if you recall, sweet child who took over a year to even try to pee on the potty, it was quite a big deal. For quite a long time.

But hey, if he wants to potty train his brother, who am I to stop him?

The thing is, B still won't poop anywhere except in a pull-up. He recently held it for two days rather than go in the potty. I even bought him a special Elmo potty. It makes flushing sounds and everything. He loves to flush it. O loves to flush it. OK, fine, even I love to flush it.

Unfortunately, there is never anything in it flush

I hid all the pull-ups, thinking that if he didn't have one, he would have to go on the potty. He searched every closet in the house until he found those things. Then he hid them in his room so I wouldn't be able to find them.

I expected that my kids would someday hide things from me. For some reason, I didn't think it would be pull-ups at age four.

Needless to say, I think it's past time that he pooped on the potty. He's four. He'll be in pre-school soon. All the other kids will be pooping on the potty. And frankly, I am tired of changing a four-year-old's pull ups.

So tonight, when he asked me for a pull-up so he could poop, I couldn't take it anymore.

And I heard words that I just never thought would come out of my mouth.

"Just poop on Elmo, B."

"No! I'm NOT pooping on Elmo!"

"Please. Please? Just poop on Elmo!"

"No pooping on Elmo!"

B is getting irritated. O is looking at the TV, clearly confused, wondering why it's showing girls in bikinis playing beach volleyball instead of Elmo. N, who has actually been silent for thirty seconds--which might just be a world record--says, "I'd like to poop on Elmo...the real Elmo".

O is now confused "Poop on real Elmo?"

B is not having this at all.

"No! No pooping on Elmo! Not the potty, and not the real one! No! Pooping! On! Elmo!"

O decides he is in full agreement. This whole pooping on Elmo thing is stressing him out. He shakes his head and says "No pooping Elmo!"

I realize I should probably let this go. Clearly, Elmo is not getting pooped on anytime soon in our house.

Unless the real one shows up.

Then all bets are off.