I don't watch TV with NBO during the day very often, but today I sat down with B and O and watched a few minutes of Sesame Street. Abbie and her friends were dressed up as princesses, and kept getting into all kinds of princess trouble. Of course, every time they did, a prince showed up to help them. But, lo and behold, every time he tried to help, the princesses discovered that they could solve the problem themselves. They didn't need that prince.
With each new dilemma, the prince kept trying to help, but after a while, he clearly didn't know what to do. Use his physical strength to help? Nope. These princesses were pretty strong, plus they knew how to work together. Glass slipper? No. What good is that when you have two fellow princesses instead? Kissing the princess? Uh, definitely not. Ultimately, the princesses either solved it on their own or allowed him to help with their plan to fix it. The part of me that is mother to a princess thought, All Hail the Princesses! Hooray for Girl Power! Girls Rock!
But there was another part of me--the part that is mom to two princes--that thought, wait...what about the poor prince? He looked lost. And confused. And kind of sad. He didn't know what to do. They didn't need him anymore. What good was a prince if no one needed him? After all, didn't we tell princes from the beginning of time that it was their job to take care of the princesses? And now, haven't we been telling them for years that those princesses are strong and independent, and don't need their help, thank you very much? Oh, but please make sure you still open the door for them. And pay for dinner. And buy them a big sparkling diamond ring equivalent of a glass slipper. And if they fail to do these things, we modern, independent princesses complain that chivalry is dead. Poor princes. How can they possibly know what's expected of them? No wonder they're confused. They just can't win.
I wondered if my princes, at only three and a half and one and a half, could possibly have picked up on this confusion. So I asked them for their thoughts. I asked three-year-old B if he likes princesses. He shrugged. I decided on a different tactic, and asked him who he liked better: princesses, or mommy. His answer: Spiderman. I asked him if he knows what it is that princes do. He shrugged. Clearly, this is evidence that our princes are confused and ambivalent about their future roles in the world. Even my one yr old is confused. I asked O only one simple question. Who did he like better: Spiderman, or princes? His very articulate response: Spaderpince. This is obviously further evidence that there is a great deal of confusion within the prince community over this issue.
It probably goes without saying that I don't ever want my princess to have to be rescued by a prince, but I don't worry about that too much. If you've met her, you probably don't either. I think she has good examples in her life of strong, independent women who don't really buy into the whole prince thing all that much. On the other hand, she is well aware that her mother will do everything possible to avoid touching a mouse trap, because that's the prince's job. Hmm, mixed message? Maybe. I guess the princes aren't the only ones who are confused.
I do know that I don't want her to need a prince to save her from anything, or need him to give her a glass slipper, or need him to have a castle for her to live in. I want her to be strong enough that she doesn't need saving by anyone, and to be secure enough to buy her own glass slipper, and to be self-sufficient enough to build her own castle--or at least be able to pay someone from the royal kingdom to build it. But at the same time, if a prince wants to give a strong, independent princess a glass slipper, is that really such a bad thing? And if she prefers to have him catch the mice in the royal castle, is that really the end of the world?
All of this, of course, might still be confusing for the princes. I don't want my princes to ever feel that they need to rescue a princess. But I do hope they will open doors for her, and let her walk in first, and give her their coat if she needs it. I hope that, if they give anyone a glass slipper, they give it to a princess who is perfectly capable of buying her own, but appreciates that she doesn't have to. I hope they won't hesitate to catch the mice in the royal castle, or at least agree to get a cat. I hope they find a princess who is capable of fixing some things for herself, but who will sometimes let them fix things, too, since that is, after all, one of the things that princes do best. I hope they find princesses who realize that, as good as it is to be an independent princess, princes can be pretty good to have around, too. And, of course, I hope they find princesses who don't mind Spiderman hanging around, scaling the castle walls.
As much as we want our princesses to be strong, independent women who can take care of themselves, I personally hope that my strong, independent princess will settle for nothing less than a prince. And I hope that my princes will treat the strong, independent princesses in their lives like nothing less than queens.
I don't think I have to worry too much about N in this respect. Today as I was driving her home from school, I asked her if she liked princes. She looked at me funny as she answered, "How could I not like princes, mom? They help the princesses rule the world".
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